The holiday time brings about a real challenge for those who have lost loved ones because it is a time of joy, a time to spend with family doing family things like exchanging gifts, preparing and eating dinner together, and just being with those who we love so much.
Unfortunately, that is not the case with those caught up in addiction; the holidays mean something different - a time of grief. The grieving over so much loss of time, life, energy, misdirected love, and devastation. One client made it plain in a poem he wrote to his daughter:
The time I've waisted is my biggest regret, spent in places I'll never forget. Just sitting and thinking about the things I've done, the crying, the laughing, the hurt and the fun. Now it's just me and my county guilt, behind a wall that I allow to be built. I'm trapped in this body, just wanting to run... back to my youth with its laughter and fun. But the chase is over and there's no place to hide. Now everything's gone including my pride.
Now reality is suddenly right in my face. I'm frustrated, alone and stuck in this place. Memories of my past flash through my head, and the pain is obvious from the tears that I shed. Sometimes I wonder where I went wrong... I guess I was weak when I should've been strong. As I pretended to be rugged, and stupid butt cool, when actually lost and blinded I was a stupid butt fool.
I think I'm getting too old for these tiresome games; acting so hard like I'm never ashamed. It's time that I move on and make a change in my life, fulfilling my dreams for a family with a wife. What my future will hold I really don't know...but the time that I've waisted is starting to show.
I just pray for the day I can get a new start, and the dreams I have for you and me, I still hold deep in my heart. I hope that I can make it at least I have to try.. cause I'm headed toward death, and I don't wanna' die.
Love,
Daddy
This is why we struggle to keep the Fresh Start House open, so men can have a fresh start.
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